Man Pageant!

It was Beaver Week at my high school this week (yes, our mascot is the beaver...which in my mind is perfect because the beaver is the epitome of a pacifist mammal) and that means that a Mr. Beaver contest was in order.

I had watched the Mr. Beaver contest with great interest my Freshman, Sophomore and Junior years and had always had it in the back of my mind that it would be fun to participate. I watched some grand friends of mine say and do some really great, funny stuff. It is like the funny, male version of Jr. Miss where the stakes aren't inflated so ridiculously high. The Pageant involves being escorted into a gym full of assembled high school students by a cheerleader as information about you is being presented. Then, you get to draw a question and answer it--the questions are stuff like "What is your perfect date?" and "If you were an animal which would you be?". This process is repeated with ten contestants. The contestants are then dismissed to change into gym clothes for the athletic portion (apparently there used to be a talent portion as well, but it was done away with before my time...that makes me sad...definitely reflective of a serious imbalance in the larger society). The athletic portion is a kind of over done race that usually involves a fair amount of cheating. After this, the student body is set loose to vote for their top two choices.

I was selected to represent the Band (every sports coach and the drama and band instructors select a couple students from their program to represent their team/organization). I knew I wasn't going to win, so I decided that I was just going to have fun and try to entertain people. I like to be a little nervous, and I like to be in front of people, so it was a great opportunity for me.

I was the last to be escorted into the gym and as I listened to the others, I realized that they weren't all that jived on being there. I decided that it was time to pull out the humongous smile and fun guy persona (which was, admittedly, helped along by the fact that I was escorted by a very beautiful young lady...hard not to smile). We stepped into the gym and Mr. Hamilton (my super awesome English teacher) started to announce My information. It went something like:

And finally our last contestant is Braden Clinger. Braden is Six foot two and was born October tenth, 1990, a fine day indeed. Braden has been active in Community and School Drama for 7 years and has participated in many plays. He has been involved in band for 8 years and has placed 2nd and 3rd at State Solo his Sophomore and Junior years playing his tuba. His interests include, writing, reading, blogging, Zombie Hunting, eating new things, music, watching films/documentaries/foreign films, snuggling, traveling, foreign languages, hiking, live performance, and Flying kites.

I then chose an question from a bowl. "If you were president for a day, what would you do?" I thought for a second...the president (virtually) cannot do a thing (constitutionally)...huh...what do I answer?

"I would...veto something...especially if there is a big red 'VETO' stamp that I could use...and then I would probably pardon someone...it doesn't really matter who...just someone...probably deserving...but no one ever agrees with the president whether or not someone deserves a pardon...and then, I would go to France...to...umm...to negotiate a treaty...with the French!"

I think that my answer stayed within the bounds of constitutionality. I wish I would have pushed legislation for a monument on the national mall to Jim Henson, and to make the Alfajor the official American treat...but, you know, hindsight is 20-20.

so, after I answered that question I went and sat down (a really deserved sit down, I was just in front of like 400 people). As I sat, the rest of the contestants stood. It was time to go change into our gym garb. It was kinda awkward because I had just sat down...and then I had to get back up. But I got the second, unseen laugh, because I was the only one who's gym clothes were in the P.E. locker room and the Athletic locker room was locked. so hah! I changed way quicker than them (except for the kid who had his gym shorts under his dress clothes...gotta love Couturier). Had there been a changing portion I would have taken second...and that is partly to blame on the fact that I am an actor.

I get back to the gym...and then my fellow contestants do...and we walk in. We are told who is on our team and told to line up. I got to the back of the line somehow. I guess I just wasn't feeling quite as proactive about this part of the pageant. I was wearing blue gym shorts and a gray summer band t-shirt...I like to think that I at least looked nice. Anyway, it finally comes to be my turn and the teams are neck and neck. I run up to the baseball bat, place it of my forehead and think to myself, "quick toes!" we were supposed to have the bat on the ground to spin around it, but I just don't have that kind of flexibility. But, I got my Ten spins done before my competitor (I think...I was a touch dizzy...I tried to spot, but I obviously did something wrong). The jump roping was kind of hard; they had child sized ropes...I am obviously not childsized. As I picked up the basketball to make my basket, my competitor's ball was swooshing through the hoop. I took a shot. Nothing. I stepped forward and took another shot. The ball bounces on the back of the rim, and then the outside of the rim. The ball seemed to hang suspended in the air for minutes, and then it cam down quickly. I had made the basket! I was pretty amazed....that is a lie...I was really amazed. I turned around, Victorious---and fell right down. It was epic. I fell hard. I even got Gym burn on my leg and hand...it was pretty intense....and painful, but the crowd got a laugh out of it, so it was worth it.

In the aftermath I forgot to do my three cartwheels. But honestly, can you blame me?

So, they voted, and I didn't win, but my buddy did...so it is all good. And plus, I got to embarrass myself in front of the entire student body, What could be better than that? I enjoyed the experience thoroughly. Also, I would like to thank everyone for there support and votes! (and suddenly, with that last line, I feel like a Junior Miss contestant *shiver*)